Trying to figure out which graduate schools you are going to apply to is something like running into a dark room and taking off at a run in no particular direction; you have little idea where you are going, you are more likely to hurt yourself than not, and it's incredibly frightening. It is something like the panic I felt when trying to plan my life back when I was in high school, except this is for real. I am not a little girl in my room where the walls are plastered with posters of Johnny Depp and Daniel Radcliffe imagining my future life as a musical theatre star, or a marine biologist or an astronaut. This. Is. Real. This is my real, adult life. This is my for real education that has for real student loans attached to it.
Not to mention it is probably going to cost me a small fortune in application fees.
There is no manual for this- no guru to whom you can turn and say, 'Teach me your ways'. There is no Mr. Miyagi of graduate schools teaching you how to wax on and wax off your way into a program that suits your needs and will take you. So, what exactly, is one to do?
My answer is panic. Not a real panic, but a subtle, always present, panic. My panic is that little voice in the back of my head that says I will never find the right fit, that my BA in Religious Studies will be all for naught and that I will end up living on my mom's couch for the rest of myself fending off the cats for food and talking about the grandiose plans I once had for my life.
And so I send out this missive from panicland, not seeking reassurance (for I know that hope is in vain), but rather to practice some freestyle writing skills in preparation for the GRE, which I am taking at the end of the summer.
This living a real, educated person life, is hard.
I know this is a couple days late, but take a deep breath. Laura and I will have you over after Jasmine leaves for Austrailia and we will help you figure this out. Getting into grad school is nerve wracking, but in the end you can only control so much. Focusing on the gre is the right thing to do at this point and remember you have time before all this will be settled. And I will check in with you weekly during our independent study. You are not alone in this, your faculty want to help you and will support you. Keep studying, and focus on this question: what do I want to study? What class can I see myself teaching each semester and still think it's cool after 5 years? Maybe it's not s class you've taken, maybe it's one you just imagine but establishing that will go a long way toward figuring you where you should go.
ReplyDeleteWe will talk soon
RR